A 10-day transformational journey for my 37th birthday

If you’re reading this… I’m already gone.

Offline.
Tucked away.
Turning inward…

As I embark on a 10-day transformational journey for my 37th birthday.

It’s the longest I’ve ever been away from my baby boy since he was born 11 months ago.
And I’m not taking it lightly.

Right now, I’m somewhere between an 18–24+ hour “flood dose” and a supplemental dose…
diving into the extra deep end of my psyche…

Shaking hands with an ancient — but new-to-me — medicine.

Some call him Grandfather.
The Root.
The Truth Teller.

Ibogaine.

A powerful psychoactive plant compound derived from the root bark of the Iboga bush, native to Central Africa and revered within the Bwiti tradition for initiation, healing, and spiritual awakening for generations.

This is not casual work or trendy wellness.

And if I’m being honest…
I never thought I’d get the call from Iboga/Ibogaine in this life.

I was utterly shocked when I heard the ring…
but when I did, it was undeniable.

Now, I’m in Mexico at one of the few fully accredited medical facilities in the world (legally and safely) offering ibogaine treatment.

So how’d I get here?

Picture me, late November.

Walking into my dear friend Mark Hyman’s home for his birthday dinner.

I slip my shoes off at the door and immediately feel an intense, powerful, magnetic pull into the side room — toward a friend who’s clearly mid-story.

I bee-line over, parking myself cross-legged in front of him on the floor like I’m late for a movie in the theater and don’t wanna miss a second…

BAM.

There it was — in a flash.

The answer to a question I hadn’t even fully formed into words yet.

He and Mark had just returned from Beond.

I later learned Mark had just spoken publicly, on stage with tears in his eyes, about how profoundly healing and life-altering his experience had been.

To me, they were both palpably different.

Reborn.
Alive.
Insanely radiant.

Lit up in a way that felt cellular.

Admittedly, I’ve witnessed plenty of people post peak-life experience — still riding the high of the wave and glowing… but this felt deeper.
More stable and permanent.

Like something fundamental had shifted.

And in that moment… my whole body knew.

Like the Universe gleefully handing me a gift on a silver platter saying, “Here you go.”

Right around that time, in the privacy of my own heart…
I had been asking.

Praying.
Pleading.

For support.
For a sign.
For something.

At six months postpartum…

 

I was good…
but not like thriving good.

Becoming a mother had exploded me and expanded me into a million zillion pieces all at once.

And while I was slowly, beautifully, putting parts of myself back together —
returning to work,
reconnecting to community,
moving my body,
finding glimpses of me again…
meeting the new parts of me emerging…

I still didn’t feel fully resourced.

And yes — months of chronic sleep deprivation while earning a real-time PhD in parenthood would make anyone a lil cuckoo for coco puffs.

But what I became very aware of was this:

Logically… I had made sense of everything.
I’d even found gratitude for all the hardship.

the dark trenches of early maternity leave…
the heartbreak of low milk production and struggling to feed my baby…
the feeling of failing, even after giving it everything I had…
the physical depletion…
the hormonal rollercoaster…
the identity obliteration…

The highest highs… alongside the lowest lows.

I was moving through the world just fine n dandy.

But the moment anyone asked me about postpartum…
I’d break down and lose it.

Still so emotional, tender and raw. 

There was still so much pain and heartbreak living in my nervous system…
lingering just below the surface.
I felt fragile.
Like an open wound still needing so much more TLC.

And without any shame, guilt or judgement. I just knew there was more to process.

I simply didn’t know how.

Enter… Ibogaine.

As I write this, a few days before leaving…

I’m genuinely looking forward to this journey.

I’m proud of myself for stepping in.
For saying yes — especially when it’s scary.

For taking this extended time for myself…
to be fully self-absorbed in the most intentional, healing way…
knowing that it will ripple out into everyone and everything I love.

For moving through the initial waves of disbelief… self-doubt… intimidation.

For preparing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically…

There is so much I could share…
the history…
the neuroscience…
the way this molecule interacts with the brain and nervous system…
how it’s being studied in modern clinical settings…
All the curiosities, questions and intentions I’m bringing in… 

But what feels most true and alive right now is this:

I don’t believe there is a way to walk through this and come out unchanged.

Much like the birth portal…
Becoming a mother…

A one-way door.
An initiation.
A complete rebirth of self.

I can sense it already…

There is a before Melissa.
And there will be an after.

And as I stand on the edge of that threshold…
I am both humbled and honored.

Nervous… and ready.

To surrender.
To trust.
And to meet the version of me who is waiting —
bravely beckoning me forward from the other side.

Sending you all my love…
Welcoming in all of your thoughts and prayers for me,
A promise to share more once I emerge.

xx,
Melissa

 

P.S. If you’re curious about where I’ve gone and the work I’m exploring, you can peek into Beond HERE.

Read more about Dr Mark Hyman’s experience in his post on IG.

Here’s a great listen on Joe Rogan Podcast with Bryan Hubbard and Rick Perry on ibogaine initiatives happening here in the states.