I’m officially 4 days post op from my #explant surgery as I write this.

I’m healing up beautifully and feeling incredible physically, mentally and emotionally.

I felt called to craft this blob post to share a bit about my story and how I came to this very big, personal decision. If nothing else, to document my own inner thoughts + feelings for myself at this significant time in my life — and potentially, to serve as inspiration for any other women out there who are considering having their implants removed. 

You are not alone, my babes.

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I’d like to lead with a couple of important disclaimers:

1. I was not sick or experiencing any known health issues from my implants.

My soul and inner compass led me to this decision. I have such deep compassion for all of the women who have struggled with ongoing symptoms of Breast Implant Illness and I’m so grateful that we are raising awareness around this ailment today to take women seriously + treat them.

I’ve already had so many DM’s from people who have been directly or indirectly impacted by BII or other diagnoses and I’m proud that we are collectively healing. 

My healing is your healing. 

And it is ALL healing.

2. I am NOT here to tell anyone what to do / what not to do with their bodies.

I fully support ALL women in ALL choices — that means I would never talk someone out of getting implants just because I had mine removed. I would also never try to persuade someone who has implants to take them out. 

I believe in full body sovereignty and that all choices are beautiful and suitable for each of us based on where we are in our own unique journeys. The only person who can tune in and know what’s best for our bodies is ourselves. I DO NOT think implants are “bad” and I do not subscribe to a blanket belief that people should never get them or keep them.

This story is mine and mine alone. It is not intended to sway anyone in any direction. I’m only here sharing my personal experience — may it be a beacon of light for anyone out there who may be considering this same procedure or looking for a supportive resource.

——

Having my implants removed has been a huge decision I’ve been working through accepting (and taking action on) since the new year. 

My mantra coming into 2022 was S U R R E N D E R — 

and woo-wee, life certainly has a beautiful, mysterious way of gifting us opportunities to practice what we intend.

It all started at a 4-day meditation / spiritual retreat I attended for New Year’s. 

I went into my first ceremony with a very clear intention:

“Dear Universe, please show me anything that is no longer serving me. Any limiting beliefs, old programs, patterns, blockages that are keeping me stuck or preventing me from stepping into the highest version of myself. I promise, whatever is revealed to me, I will take action on removing from my life. I commit to surrendering and letting anything necessary fall away so that I can rise up into the next evolution of who I am becoming and how I am here to show up in the world and serve.”

I guess you could say this is was a prayer — to my Higher Self and my Creator (I like to say Universe / God / Source but let’s not get hung up on terminology here).

Ask and you shall receive, my friends…

THE VISION:

It’s wild to describe a VISION using just words — it’s more like a movie with elevated emotions and a knowing in my body where my mind catches up to the information — but I was very clearly shown my implants. And then my IUD. 

It was pretty surprising because I hadn’t ever seriously considered these to be physical or energetic blocks for me before.

I immediately understood that because everything is energy and carries a frequency, like a thumbprint, these bags of fluid in my chest certainly carried a specific vibration. 

And woah, all around my heart like an armored vest.

THE PAST:

I was shown exactly who I was and where I was in my life at age 23 deciding to get these. I was shown all of the beliefs I had and all of the experiences that led me there. I was shown all of the things they’ve experienced with me over the last decade. And how all of that is stored inside of them like a memory bank, keeping a record of it all, and vibrating at those lesser frequencies. Like a radio stuck on a fuzzy station playing songs from years ago I used to like but don’t even relate to anymore.

THE PRESENT:

I was shown all of my current fears around letting go of this part of myself. Around my beliefs on femininity, sexuality, and worthiness. Who will I be if I’m not the girl with the juicy boobs anymore??? Will I still be attractive and will men still be interested in me? Will I look like a Frankenstein freak when they take them out and sew me back together? I’m 33 and single… who will ever want to marry me if I look scary when I take my shirt off?

Wow. 

Who knew I put so much weight on my worthiness for love, affection and attention on having these boobs. They’ve been my safety blanket for so long. My heart broke for myself — and for all women — who think that THIS is what makes us deserving.

THE FUTURE:

Once I accepted and released all of those fears, I was shown true freedom and liberation! I saw just how light, bright, vibrant, radiant, and open-hearted I would feel after. I was shown all of the cute tiny tops I would get to wear and how I’d finally get to have fun swimsuit shopping! I was shown that I would never regret my choice to reclaim my body and that I would have the most smooth, amazing recovery with my new tiny bee stings. I was shown that I’d be taken care of by the best, careful hands and that I would finally be able to expand my heart without so much heaviness sitting on me. I was given a deep inner sense of knowing my truth and trusting that this was the best decision for me, even if I don’t know what exactly is on the other side.

OK.

I ACCEPT THIS TRUTH. 

I TRUST. 

I SURRENDER. 

AND I COMMIT TO TAKING MASSIVE ACTION.

NO MATTER WHAT. 

On New Year’s Day, I booked in for a consult with the only surgeon I knew I would want to see. His soonest available was late May.

This meant I had a lotta months to over-think, get cold feet, question everything, make excuses, and delay the inevitable — sometimes it just takes the time that it takes to wholly trust that deep inner wisdom while embracing the upcoming change. And that’s OK.

I went to the consult, felt totally on-board but EVEN STILL could not make the appointment for surgery. I was “too busy”, “had so much work to do this summer”, “it’s so much money” and so many other excuses my ego could come up with.

Shortly after that, I crossed a HUGE item off my bucket list: attending a week-long retreat with Dr Joe Dispenza. 

I’ve been following his work for about 8 years and his in-person event has been a major dream of mine. I knew it would be life changing, even if I didn’t know what to expect. It’s funny because the timing of it all is just too perfect.

Without going into tons of detail… my entire week essentially revolved around me feeling this massive blockage around my heart in every meditation and all the ways it’s holding me back in my life. My body was speaking out to me and showing me that I cannot move forward without taking this step first.

Dr Joe said something simple that struck me like an arrow:

“The mind thinks but the heart knows.” 

And in that moment, I knew I was ready 

🫀To rip the bandaid off. 

🫀To let go of the chest-armor I’ve been wearing. 

🫀To hold compassion for younger Melissa who felt more worthy of love, attention and affection because of a physical attribute. 

🫀To grieve the release of an outdated identity which no longer serves me. 

🫀To create space for a new woman — who leads with her heart and embodies her truer feminine essence — to finally emerge. 

Part way through the week, I called Dr. Gawley’s office to make my surgery appointment! The soonest date was August 23rd so I locked it in. I felt so proud of this step.

When I got back to the states, I called to make my pre op appt (usually 2 weeks before the surgery date) and when I hung up the phone, something inside of me said, “Ohhh, I should have just asked, just to see, just out of curiosity, if they had anythingggg any sooner open up. Oh well, that’s ok, trust the timing!”

Not more than 2 hours later …

They called me to ask if I could come in sooner because some new dates had magically opened up!

*** that’s what I like to call an INSTA-MANIFEST, my friends !!! *** 

Me: “Oh, haha. How interestingggg. When are we talkin?”

Her: “We’re looking at July 5th.”

Me: “OH! You mean like a week from today July 5th?!?!”

Her: “Yep!”

Well, it just so happened to work out perfectly with my schedule and I KNEW this was a BIG MIRACULOUS WINK from the Universe. Showing me that the most magnificent, divine things happen in unknown, unexpected ways that our human minds can’t even comprehend or predict. These are my favorite kinda life moments!

I’M ALL IN NOW. 

For the week leading up, I visualized every morning and night all of the amazing things that would happen — focusing on the feelings of the highest possible outcome. How my surgery would be seamless, how I would wake up and feel incredible with no pain, how every person working on me that day would be operating from their heart, and how it would be totally possible for me to not need those creepy little drains for 7-14 days in my body. I saw myself glowing and JOYFUL. And just for fun, I visualized that my new guitar I special ordered would show up on my doorstep at just the right time during my recovery week, hehe!

Our minds + hearts are SO POWERFUL.

And obviously … ALL of that came true!

My surgery took 33% less time than it was supposed to.

I woke up easily and they sent me home early.

No drains!!!!!!

No pain meds.

Aaaaand my guitar showed up that afternoon! LOL

There are so many feelings I’ve been soaking up this week while resting and being home with myself and my new body.

I’m so proud and at peace.

I feel so happy and healthy.

I feel open and more whole.

I feel light and more like myself.

I feel reborn and radiant.

I can breath fully and deeply.

Putting my hand on my chest is an entirely new experience. Like I am home. 

It’s also been such a gift to feel so loved, held and supported in this chapter by so. many. humans. I am supremely grateful for ALL of the incredible people in my sphere.

The messages coming in from other women who have gone through an explant or who are thinking about it or from men who have supported their partners or family members in this journey and are celebrating women in this way have all been so moving. It’s just so impactful. And I’m so honored to be a part of it all. 

The greatest gift we have to give the world is our story. 

I am the only me there ever was and ever will be.

Thanks for letting me share the magic that is ME here.

As I learn and grow in real time.

A sincere THANK YOU to the brave women who held a torch, walked this path, and paved the way for me too. Women who shared their experiences that inspired me and gave me the strength to follow through. I’m forever changed because of you.

Thank you each for helping me remember the way back home to myself. 💖🐝💫